In the person of Nembutsu opens up the great path of unobstructed freedom. 

"Tannisho, A Shin Buddhist Classic," trans. by Taitetsu Unno

Personal Stories: Responses to Shin Buddhism ...

N.M., Florida

G.F., Colorado

As a theologian, ordained Anglican priest and religious studies professor, it was inevitable Buddhism would cross my path. When it happened was some eight years ago, while attending a University. I was doing research for the first time in depth on Eastern religions. One of my professor's assignments for me, was to visit either a Buddhist temple or a Hindu service and write about it. That day I went to the college library and picked up a book on Buddhism. Since then I have always had a book in my hand on the subject of Buddhism.

After a few months of reading on my own, I joined a local Sangha in the Denver area. I remained a member for several months then went on my own. Although there was nothing wrong with their teaching and practice it did not seem very clear to me what the real purpose of Buddhism was from their point of view. I know now it was nothing to do with the Sangha. It was me. Finally, about a year ago I started looking at various branches of Buddhist thought and teaching. I had read a little about Pure Land and had visited a Local Denver Buddhist Temple which is Pure Land. It was there I was introduced to the teachings of Shinran. The more I read about Shinran and his thoughts on Buddhism, the more sense all of it started to make. For some reason, there was clarity, a path well laid out for one to follow. Now I feel planted and grounded in a belief system that has merit and viability.

I also teach a class on Death and Dying, and I firmly believe the teachings of Buddhism establishes an Art for Sacred dying, something that in Western civilizations is lacking. I was and still am a certified funeral director in the state of Colorado. I also volunteer at a local Hospice where I have seen first hand the problems faced by the dying without hope or direction. Now, I am living the practice daily and moment by moment. Pure Land has given me something each day to live by and for.

Namu Amida Butsu!

B.E., California 

I can still vividly recall the despair and emptiness I felt when, as a 14 year-old, I lost my Christian faith. Walking home one summer afternoon, my thoughts filled with theological questions and doubts that had already haunted me for some time, I came to the realization that I could not force myself to believe in something -- however familiar or existentially comforting. It occurred to me that I either sincerely believed in my family’s Congregationalist faith or I did not. I needed to be honest with myself. I left the city park that afternoon a believer and returned home an agnostic. The loss of my childhood religious convictions greatly disturbed me, and I went back to my room demoralized and filled with angst. Now so much about the world and my place in it seemed uncertain and life seemed undermined by meaninglessness. My family members, although generally sympathetic to my questions and anxieties, were reticent to provide their own answers and encouraged me to continue investigating. Looking back, I believe that this poignant experience initiated for me a philosophical search for truth, which ultimately led me to the Name-that-calls and the Shin Buddhist faith.

In college, I attempted to meet this need by majoring in philosophy. Unconsciously, I must have believed that I could tackle the problem cognitively. I hoped at the time that philosophy could help me discover authentic answers and fill (or at least neutralize) the sense of lack I felt chronically. I read the major philosophers of the Western tradition ravenously –- Plato, Descartes, Hume, Kant, Wittgenstein, Whitehead, the existentialists. I found many of their ideas interesting and arguments persuasive in regard to certain problems and issues. However, even after obtaining a Masters degree in philosophy, I was painfully aware that the deep spiritual hunger which had originally motivated my philosophical search remained unfulfilled; if anything, my philosophical training merely clarified how apparently bottomless and insatiable that hunger really was! As I review that period in my life now, it seems to me that philosophy does indeed offer some excellent resources for elucidating concepts and evaluating arguments, but it does not (at least for me) adequately serve as a spiritual practice by itself. Philosophy can be a helpful addendum to religious faith but by no means a substitute for it.

For several years following, I put my religious questions and yearnings aside, resigned myself to a quiet agnosticism and secularism, and focused my attention and energy on more practical career pursuits. I enrolled in a clinical psychology program of which I am now in my final stint, working on my dissertation. When I turned 30, I began to experience a greater sense of professional direction, stability, and confidence; many things in my life felt considerably more settled. During this period of relative calm, the religious concerns of my earlier years began to resurface and to reassert themselves, albeit in a different form. Rather than asking abstract questions about philosophical theology and the nature of ultimate reality, as I had done previously, I now felt more inclined to consider matters of faith in a more personal or relational light. I began inquiring into my own relationships to the world and to others. How did I relate to the world around me? What had I contributed to it?  What had I contributed to others? What sorts of things did I really value and appreciate? In these uncertain and turbulent times, what makes for a worthwhile life?

With these questions in mind, I ventured into the Buddhist section of a local bookstore one evening. There I chanced upon Taitetsu Unno’s "River of Fire , River of Water" –- an introduction to the Shin Buddhist Pure Land tradition. The title and commentary on the back cover intrigued me, and so I bought it, though I had never heard of Shin Buddhism or the Pure Land tradition before. This turned out to be a very worthwhile purchase. I found myself interested, even inspired by much of what Professor Unno had to say about his faith. I sought out other Jodo Shinshu literature, such as the "Tannisho" as well as the Sukhavativyuha sutras and read them with delight. The "Tannisho" and Pure Land sutras struck a deep chord inside me.  I was moved by their undeviating emphasis on Amida’s undiscriminating, genuinely limitless grace and liberatory power, reflecting a compassion so profound and encompassing that it would not willingly relinquish any creature, not even the most depraved, to suffer in the hells of its passions and delusions. The Soto Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki speaks of the experience of receiving “letters from emptiness” –- figurative messages from the heart of being that open our eyes to its luminous grandeur and compassion –- and the aforementioned writings served as precisely that for me. One afternoon shortly thereafter, while riding on a subway train, I uttered the Nembetsu spontaneously and without thinking. It felt as though it came out of me on its own, and it transfigured my perception of the entire scene around me. I felt deeply grateful and peaceful. I experienced in that moment a living relationship to the Other Power and discerned the folly of my prior, wholly self-directed attempts to obtain spiritual fulfillment.

As someone quite new to Shin Buddhism, I recognize that I have much to learn about our faith, and I look forward to connecting and corresponding with others who also want to deepen their understanding and appreciation of the Primal Vow and Amida’s grace.

Namu Amida Butsu!

K.L.P., Florida

I was born (1949) and raised in Virginia with a Christian (Methodist) upbringing. Perhaps certain karmic imprints enabled me to question the various spiritual contexts and mysteries that were available to me. I received sustenance from the teachings of Jesus, but I often struggled with the dogmatic underpinnings of the Church doctrine. I "dropped out" of the Sunday morning church rituals when I left home for college...where I soon became enticed by Western philosophy. Discovering that I was alone in a  harsh world -- condemned to make choices -- I eventually yearned to seek transcendence. Eastern religions appeared to be what the doctor ordered as I yearned for a more expansive awareness of the metaphysical world.

In the early 1980s, Buddhism was clearly becoming my spiritual path. I studied Theravadan texts and in 1983, I sat my first of many 10-day vippassana (insight) meditation courses as taught by Burmese Master, S.N. Goenka. This wonderful meditation became my practice for twenty years. I received many benefits. For example, I became a more calm and peaceful person in all facets of my life.

I honestly don't know exactly why I (seemingly out of the blue) drifted into the Mahayana world. Perhaps it was a belated natural progression. I was particularly impressed by the theoretical emphasis on bodhicitta and on the bodhisattva mind. I read some
Pure Land texts but decided to take a Mahamudra (Tibetan) Lam Rim study course. After several months of study, I wasn't sure that I wanted to invest my time in this methodology. I decided to re-visit Pure Land where I was awakened to the writings of Shinran.

In a short time frame, Jodo Shinshu has seemed to fit like an old comfortable shoe. I embraced the Nembutsu as a daily practice about three months ago. Presently I often find myself reflecting on Amida's Light while driving in my car and walking in the woods. I don't naturally visualize Amida as depicted in the Sutras; it's more like I feeling a warm glow that frequently brings joyful and/or pensive tears. I also think about Amida throughout my work day -
I am a program supervisor of a human services intensive
home-based treatment program. I ackowledge gratitude for my staff's hard work and to our connection with the many troubled families that we work with.

Shinran reminds that we all struggle to make sense of the foibles and the follies of our existence - it's simply a matter of degree. He also reminds me that Other Power is accessible at times of both joy and sadness. What more could I ask for? I feel blessed for all of these recent experiences. Of course I'm a novice to Jodo Shinshu; I hope that I will be able to deepen my understanding of the philosophical aspects of this great religion.

NAMUAMIDABUTSU.

D.M., Washington

When I was in Japan, I was still interested in Catholicism and Islam. Buddhism was kind of dry at times and hard to understand. I was continuously frustrated by the "New Age" feel of Buddhism in the West. When I was in Japan, I saw many times examples of Buddhism that were totally different than what I knew in the US. I remember when my wife and I went to pay respects to her grandma who had passed away a few years back, I saw a cluster of gravestones in one part of the cemetery that were set apart. My wife explained that those people had no family to care for their graves, so anyone could pour water over them, or clean them.

The problem was when I got back to the US, I had no idea how to practice Buddhism. Being a tech-saavy guy, I hung out on Internet forums, but I found some Buddhists to be arrogant or weird in a New-Agey kind of way. However, I ran into one Buddhist forum for Pure Land Buddhists, and people here were different. They were more humble, and didn't take themselves too seriously. Later, I found the website http://www.jodo.org, which is the Jodo Shu official website, and was immediately hooked. They have a cool animation on how the nembutsu sounds, and I was inspired to start reciting the nembutsu. That's about it.

I think what drew me to Shin Buddhism is that I wanted to incorporate religion into my life, not incorporate my life into religion. In the case of Islam, I would have to give up pork and alcohol, memorize Arabic verses of the Q'uran and pray five times a day. In my exploration of Islam, I failed on all counts. When I explored Catholicism, I just didn't believe in Creationism, the Pope, and in the whole idea of sin as grounds for eternal damnation. I was not dedicated enough for Zen meditation, nor did I feel comfortable with being a disciple of a Buddhist guru, and having to follow every instruction to the letter.

With other religions and Buddhist schools, I had to live up to a certain standard, and just couldn't be myself. With Jodo Shinshu, I just stopped striving to be something else, and just learned to be myself and just recite the nembutsu. That was a big relief.

A.O., USA 

I feel a bit like EB Browning saying, "How do I love [Shin]? Let me count the ways..." I could say, for instance, that not so long ago, I had an inner battle with anger and hurt that subsided at the end of a day of silent, mantra-like nembutsu-ing... or that, whenever I encounter beauty or things of joy, it is quite the automatic exclamation... or... or... Well, unlike Browning, the ways are too many to count and I am so inattentive, I probably miss half.

There's something odd about this Buddhism in my case because it seems to have pervaded my life before I found "it" had a "name." There were my imperfections, and there was Shin. I feel it's been present for and with me through the eons (kalpas?), i.e., in every place at all times, although I haven't until now acknowledged it. I'm not being "romantic" or "sentimental" here, this is just how I see it.